julio 28, 2011

Innocence (no more)


No era un día especial, tampoco era ya un lugar especial. Y ahí estaba yo, sin una preocupación en el mundo. Si algo había aprendido era a ser una sombra y fundirme con el ambiente. Nada pasaba desapercibido para mí, pero eso equivale a decir que todo carecía de alguna significación importante. Y entonces lo reconocí, como un retrato en relieve agregado sobre un cuadro plano.
Entró confiado, con soltura en su andar y vanidad en su mirada. Déjà vu. Un breve instante se disfrazó de aguijón y me pinchó, sin conseguir que retroceda. Me había convertido en una figura anónima para él, de lo contrario se hubiera guardado sus encantos de seducción, que ya no me impresionaban, los conocía bien. Permanecí objeto de su atención unos cuantos minutos. Primero recibí sus gestos con frialdad, y finalmente cedí, ¿por qué no aplicar un poco de lo aprendido cuando se presenta la oportunidad?
Invadí su espacio, revestido de un descaro nuevo en mí. Trató de intimidarme con su dentadura perfecta y con ojos engreídos, pero la presa era él. Yo tenía ventaja, sabía que me deseaba, era su tipo. Me adelanté a su jugada con mis labios, y sólo entonces dejé que él crea hacerse cargo de la situación.
Como una vez hace tiempo, me escoltó a la salida. Igual que antes, me cubrió con su abrigo. Sin embargo, ahora yo estaba dispuesto a dejarlo llegar un poco más lejos, y me guió hasta un hotel que conocía. Supuse que allí conducía al resto de sus víctimas.
Un perfume rancio me recibió detrás de la puerta. Parte del aire enrarecido se debía quizás a la alfombra roja, sucia y gastada. La cama y las cortinas hacían juego, y no había mucho más, al menos nada que destaque con una iluminación tan tenue.
Sentí de repente la pared golpearse contra mi espalda. No esperaba descubrir una faceta agresiva, se me ocurrió que las personas como él tenían un diverso catálogo idiosincrático. Puso las manos en mi cintura y cargó sus pupilas de soberbia. Estuve a segundos de una reacción, pero decidí enseguida que era mejor jugar con sus reglas por un rato.
Noté sus escalofríos mientra le recorría la piel con los dedos, su excitación estalló cuando le mordí el cuello. Avancé y lo empujé violentamente sobre las sábanas. Lo até por las muñecas, un brazo con su cinto, el otro con la cuerda de las cortinas. Le gustaba. Quiso impartir un par de instrucciones y mi mano lo calló, sin tocar la boca, sólo la cabeza. Mi lengua se paseó por sus abdominales y su pecho. Entonces lo miré a los ojos, estaba extasiado. Lo observé durante un minuto, tal vez con la esperanza de que por fin recordara mi rostro, pero ya era tiempo de irse. Disfruté de la incertidumbre que nacía en sus facciones, en medio de sus jadeos lujuriosos.
Me vestí con rapidez. Él empezó a forcejear. Me di vuelta para dedicarle una última mueca antes de irme. Él no conseguía soltarse, y no lo iba a lograr. Estaba desesperado. Ahí permanecería, preso de estímulos y con ganas de más. Había perdido en su propio juego.


It was neither a special day or place, not anymore. There was I, without a care in the world. If there was something I had learned, it was to be a shadow and to merge with my sorroundings. Nothing went unnoticed by me, but that is to say that everything lacked some simportant significance. And then I recognized him, as an added embossed portrait on a flat painting.
He entered the room with confidence, loosely in his step and vanity in his eyes. Déjà vu. A brief moment disguised as a sting prodded me, without making me flinch. I had become an anonymous figure to him, otherwise he would have kept his seductive charms to himself. They did not impress me no more, I knew them well. I remained object of his attention for a while. At first, I just responded with cold gestures, but I finally gave in on purpose. Why wouldn't I apply some of the lessons learned when the opportunity arises?
I invaded his personal space, coated with a brazenness new to me. He tried to intimidate me with his perfect teeth and haughty eyes, but he was the dam. I had an advantage, I knew he wanted me. I was his type. I went ahead to his move with my lips, and only then let him take over creating the situation, not to hurt his pride.
As once in the past, he escorted me to the exit. Just like the last time, he covered me with his coat. However, now I was willing to let it go a little further, and let him lead me to some hotel he was acquainted with. I figured he'd take his other victims there.
A musty smell greeted me at the door. Part of the rarefied air was perhaps due to the red carpet, dirty and worn. The bed and the curtains matched, and there was not much else to be noticed, at least not in such dim lighting.
I suddenly felt the wall hitting against my back. I had not expected to discover he had an aggressive side, it occured to me that people like him had a varied idiosyncratic catalogue. He laid his hands on my waist and charged his pupils with arrogance. I was seconds away from a reaction, but quickly decided it was better to play by his rules for a while.
I noticed chills in his body while my fingers toured his skin, his excitement sparked when I bit his neck. I moved forward and pushed him violently upon the sheets. I tied his wrists, an arm with his belt, the other with the curtains' rope. He liked it. He wanted to impart a few directions and my hand shutted him up, without even touching his mouth, just his head. My tongue strolled through his abs and chest. Then I met his eyes, he was ecstatic. I observed for a minute, perhaps hoping he would finally remember my face, but it was time to leave. I enjoyed the uncertainty that arose in his face, in the midst of lustful panting.
I got dressed as fast as I could. He began to struggle. I turned around to spend one last grin before leaving. He could not let go, and was not going to. He was desperate. There he would stay, a prisoner of his own stimulus, and craving for more. He had lost in his own game.


Andrés Gutiérrez

Just Like Jesse James


You're struttin' into town like you're slingin' a gun
Just a small town dude with a big city attitude
Honey are ya lookin' for some trouble tonight
Well, alright

You think you're so bad, drive the women folk wild
Shoot 'em all down with the flash of your pearly smile
Honey but you met your match tonight
Oh, that's right

You think you'll knock me off my feet 'til I'm flat on the floor
'Til my heart is cryin' Indian and I'm beggin for more
So come on baby
Come on baby show me what that loaded gun is for

If you can give it I can take it
'Cause if this heart is gonna break it's gonna take a lot to break it
I know tonight somebody's gonna win the fight
So if you're so tough
Come on and prove it
You heart is down for the count and you know you're gonna lose it
Tonight you're gonna go down in flames
Just like Jesse James

You're an outlaw lover and I'm after your hide
Well you ain't so strong, won't be long 'til your hands are tied
Tonight I'm gonna take you in dead or alive
That's right

You break the laws of love in the name of desire
Take ten steps back cause I'm ready baby
Aim and fire
Baby there's nowhere you gonna run tonight
Ooh that's right

Well you've had your way with love but it's the end of the day
Now a team of wild horses couldn't drag your heart away
So come on baby
Come on baby
Come on baby you know there ain't nothing left to say

If you can give it I can take it
'Cause if this heart is gonna break it's gonna take a lot to break it
I know tonight somebody's gonna win the fight
So if you're so tough
Come on and prove it
You heart is down for the count and you know you're gonna lose it
Tonight you're gonna go down in flames
Just like Jesse James

You think you'll knock me off my feet 'til I'm flat on the floor
'Til my heart is cryin' Indian and I'm beggin for more
So come on baby
Come on baby, come on

If you can give it I can take it
'Cause if this heart is gonna break it's gonna take a lot to break it
I know tonight somebody's gonna win the fight
So if you're so tough
Come on and prove it
You heart is down for the count and you know you're gonna lose it
Tonight you're gonna go down in flames
Just like Jesse James

Tonight you're gonna go down in flames
Just like Jesse James
Tonight you're gonna go down in flames
Just like Jesse James

I'm gonna shoot you down Jesse James

~
song by Cher
video uploaded to Youtube by MyFavMusic123

julio 27, 2011

Long ago, someone else ago...

Confiaba en que una serie de acontecimientos escondía un sentido particular. La vida era una serie de acontecimientos. Ahora esa confianza se me antoja utópicamente sobrevalorada.
La vida es una serie de acontecimientos, pero no esconden nada en sí mismos. Tienen la fisonomía del azar y un alma camaleónica, mutante, inestable. Una vida es confusa, polisémica; varias vidas en conjunto son una historia inasible. Darles un sentido, entonces, es una pretensión osada, y sobrepasa lo arbitrario.
Y no podemos dejar de hacerlo, porque somos lo suficientemente creativos para encontrar siempre algún nuevo significado, alguna epifanía tentadora que reestructura (o desestructura) nuestra vida, y los mismos acontecimientos se dilatan y contraen en desiguales proporciones a la luz de una nueva perspectiva. Así es como vivimos de ficción en ficción.
La realidad es el más surreal de los conceptos, la idea más abstracta del imaginario colectivo.

Andrés Gutiérrez